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 Dragon Queen Arrives To Pewter(IO)

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Abelie de Firenze
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Abelie de Firenze
1
Posts : 11
Location : Blackthorn City~Dragon Hunting

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PostSubject: Dragon Queen Arrives To Pewter(IO)   Dragon Queen Arrives To Pewter(IO) H6Q0F8zTue Aug 26, 2014 1:47 am

The sound of blasting trees filled the air as a forest before the reach the City known as Pewter was in a uproar. As Abelie a trainer who seem to want nothing but to see her pokemone grow stronger stood there. Her pokemon both training as they were the cause of the fires and constant disturbance from earlier. Abelie had her arms over her chest as she watched her pokemon train they both was releasing Dragon Pulse at Max power this was to help Abelie see just how well her Axew and Bagon could hold it just in case she needed to use it in the upcoming Gym battle that was right around the corner.”Keep it up you two,If you wish to win we must push pass our normal limits and blast for the top”Said Abelie as both small dragons continued to blast tree after tree holding the blast,but it was then both pokemon stopped.”Ax...ew”the young dragon pants as it was pushing pass it’s limits little bit at a time. “Baa!”Bagon proclaimed as it was ready to try the training again as both of her Dragons gave her the look of determination which she enjoyed.

Axew! Bagon! Dragon Pulse to the air!”she yelled as both dragons begun to gather orbs into their mouth both extremely gathering quickly almost instantly it would of seem. As with the opening of their mouths they would release the dragon Pulse upwards the blast instantly going upwards”Now keep it going till I say stop!”she ordered as both pokemon responding the best way they would as they were blasting the powerful blast up and keeping it going the sky almost lightening up in rainbow colors as they continued to kept the Dragon pulse going into full speed she watched as she was training her pokemon giving them the ability to launch this move instantly which only furthered her reason for becoming a Dragon Master. Bagon and Axew blast were nearly perfect as they blasted them through pushing pass the normal limits more and more the blast grew she had one plan that was having them both master this one move which could honestly help them in the long run if anything.

Abelie watched the pokemon continue to control the Dragon Pulse pressuring through the sky as she will close her eyes slightly she knew having them do it this way was the best bet,she watched them release the blast as it got wide covering more distance because of the size. The width of the blast had increased it was more perfect in Abelie’s eyes as she knew this meant that she had great pokemon as the training was becoming quite well if anything. The beautiful control her pokemon had she would love to see which she really loved watching the blast of a determined duo. She watched as over the time they been training both her pokemon been putting out more than enough to improve both had these moves down and she knew it wa time to test others.”Stop”she orders as both pokemon will stop the Dragon Pulse looking towards their master.

Axew use Dual Chop and Bagon Dodge and counter with Bite”She says as she watch Axew hands begun to glow as it charged towards Bagon,as it first swipe it missed because of Bagon jumping into the air as it dodged Axew attack completely. The speed Bagon had was impressive as Abelie watched,she knew it had speed since she had to battle it,it had some strong legs which she had to admit was already a amazng fret. Bagon will use it’s body weight to dash downwards as it will open it’s jaws in a attempt to bite down on Axew’s tail.”Ok that’s enough you two,you both proved yourselves here so return”Bagon was inches away from biting down on Axew tail as both pokemon was return to their pokeball.
664 words

Axew 33 exp New LVL=16
New Moves=Dual Chop,Scary Face


Bagon 33 exp New LVL=14
New Moves-HeadButt
Dragon Kurai
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12
Posts : 4447
Location : On the hype train .3.

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PostSubject: Re: Dragon Queen Arrives To Pewter(IO)   Dragon Queen Arrives To Pewter(IO) H6Q0F8zTue Aug 26, 2014 2:55 am

I count 587 words when I tally out a duplicate statement and what isn't pertained to training (which when compared to the fluff rule, I feel isn't fluff either).

587 words --> 58.7 --> 59 experience
Bagon seems to have done just a bit more training, so it'll get 30 points.
The pokemon participating with Bagon (Axew) will recieve the remainder, 29.

Also, I would like to point this out:
Quote :
Now keep it going till I say stop!”she ordered as both pokemon responding the best way they would as they were blasting the powerful blast up and keeping it going the sky almost lightening up in rainbow colors as they continued to kept the Dragon pulse going into full speed she watched as she was training her pokemon giving them the ability to launch this move instantly which only furthered her reason for becoming a Dragon Master.
This sentence is a really large run-on, missing the proper punctuation. As a suggestion of improvement, read over your sentences when you're writing them, adding in commas, semi-colons, colons, and other punctuation as necessary. If you want a second set of eyes to look over them, there's quite a few people that'd be willing to do so ;3
 
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